"... then Judas, who was betraying him..."
Sacred Moments often bring out the worst in us.
As a fire boils up the issues to the surface of the broth, so does the Presence of God raise our rebelliousness to our hearts' surface. For our God is a consuming fire. In him all things are revealed, brought to the surface through the loving conviction of the Holy Spirit.
But the mere revelation of our impurities is not enough. For in our design we have been granted a certain risky freedom. Once our impurity has boiled to the surface we have the ability to release it into the rising steam, or recapture it - hurling it back into the the caverns of our tomb and seeping it all the more-so, as a demonic toxic spice, into the boil.
Why is it that our most sinful elements are revealed in our most holiest moments?
It is the Lamp of God, revealing that which he desires to heal, restore, or forgive. The fact that such abominable motives (and sometimes behavior) surface in the Sacred Moments is a given. The real question, however, is, "What will we to do with that which has been revealed?" Will we release the thing, assuming God brought it up for a Purpose? Or will we, like Judas, fully stripped in the All Knowing Mind of God, use the revelation as proof to justify our own twisted, hidden agenda?
Revealing our inner betrayer is one thing. What we do with it is quite another.
Rabbi, is it I? The same question rang from both the lips of Peter and of Judas - not unlike the same question, "How can this be?" rang from both the lips of Zacharias and Mary as they, too became unravelled in the Presence of the Revealer. Peter and the other 10 were humble. They were willing to be pierced with the conviction of their own human frailty. Their questioning was open. They were willing to acknowledge the fact that they may be carrying the DNA of a betrayer. But Judas? His questioning took on a different innuendo. He asked that same question - Rabbi, is it I - to justify the validity of his rebellion; or, perhaps worse, to assure God's blessing on it.
If God showed it to me, I must be right.
Later Peter, when hearing the crowing rooster, repented. In a mass of wailing, tears, and acknowledgment of harboring the thing he regretted most, the thing revealed was released (perhaps cast off?) into the Revealer of Things. Judas, however - though remorseful - did not repent. For him the thing revealed became self-integrated, returning to the depths of his system with double the hellish intent - so much so, in fact, that it killed both he and his Lord.
The secret here, I believe, is to walk into the depths of these Sacred Moments with sort of a "hold on loosely" demeanor. These moments happen to us daily. In the Scripture here, it happened at the Eucharist. But it can happen almost anywhere, especially in times of praise and worship, or in times of intimacy with the Lord.
When these things surface we need to choose to believe them. We need to look at our "broth" through the Lens of Light, seeing it for what it is, agreeing with our Lord - in all humility and contriteness - and, in that same moment, be willing to surrender the thing into the one who loves us and is the only One in Creation to redeem us from the cords of death and freely restore us in the Purposes of the Godhead.
Is it I, Lord?
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